A boy, the age of seventeen,
still standing on the cusp of dreams,
wandered lonely in his despair.
A handsome lad; athletic, lean,
not bound to someone else's schemes.
Eyes, a bright blue; brown shaggy hair,
kept to himself, no one had seen,
Troy coming apart at the seams.
On the surface, without a care.
Who would have guessed that this bright teen,
would end his own life amidst screams,
his final breath with no one there.
A bullet blast, and now he's gone,
A promising life had gone wrong.
"Troy", a boy in my youngest daughter Andrea's English class
ended his life yesterday afternoon. He sat in front of her in class
and although they weren't good friends, had sided with her in a discussion yesterday morning; aside from a shy hello when they passed, verbal exchanges weren't a part of their routine.
Now, my bright seventeen year old daughter doesn't understand
why life is "so fucked up". Me, a man of words, had few answers.
Walt - I don't know what to say, because times like these - well, words are all too inadequate,
ReplyDeleteA very distant cousin of mine, who also happened to be a very close, dear friend, killed himself a number of years ago.
Just like that.
And although I knew he was depressed I didn't entirely understand the depression that so engulfed him either, since he never really talked about his personal demons. Needless to say, it completely took me by surprise.
The thing was, I was surprised at the intensity of my emotions (yeah, plural) I felt because I had all this raging pain at an unbearable loss, but also. a sadness of never seeing him or hearing his bad-wonderful jokes - and there anger at all the whys, too.
The truth is, there is no answer. You can ask yourself, "Could it have been prevented?" "Could your daughter's friend not have chosen this route?" "What could I have done that might have made a difference?"
It always seems to fall on deaf ears.
But consider this - that your daughter had a positive (smiling) moment with this young man was a minor miracle, in an of itself. And even if a belief in miracles seems in short supply (particularly now) it still has to count for something.
Sheesh - for someone who was lacking for words, I sure was wordy, wasn't I? And I'm not even sure that what I said meant what I wish it might have meant, although I can hope.
Hope. It's all we have in the end.
Sigh.
I think I need to hug my two eleven year olds right now, and try not to cry. And while I'm at it, I'll send a few hugs and healing thoughts to you and your daughter, too.
Sorry for the typos. I wasn't paying as much attention to those details, like usual. ☼
ReplyDeleteAfter 4 years, a friend is still asking why his 17-year old decided to end it all.
ReplyDeleteIt is a question for which there seems to be no answer.
Survivors reach out to support each other and to talk so that it may not happen again.
Take care.
I am heartbroken for you, your daughter, and that precious boy who became so hopeless and sad. We always wonder why but we'll never know and eventually the why won't matter so much IMHO. Suicide is an epidemic especially with boys from ages 17-24. I know because my son took his life at age 23. Suicide Survivors is a good group for those who have known someone who dies from suicide. I'm so sorry for your daughter's loss and confusion.
ReplyDeleteI never saw the end coming. So sad. Reminded me of a guy I knew in my class in graduate school. The only one in the class who would smile and talk normally. (The others never even made eye contact). When another acquaintance told me he had ended his life, I was totally shaken. It's so hard sometimes to see the signs or even know what they are!
ReplyDelete